Writers: Steven Kampmann
Director: Rod Daniel
Original Air Date: January 10, 1981
This is Steven Kampmann's first script since "Hotel Oceanview" and it shares that episode's clockwork- like story structure. It is so complex, I created a chart to follow the money and the ownership of the painting...
In fact, I can't quite tell if Mr. Carlson ever actually gave Herb any money for the painting, and/or if so, if Herb paid it back. Even if the accounting is a little off, the passing of money is little more than the slamming doors in a French bedroom farce. The doors don't matter; it's all about the people showing their true faces.
We've always known Herb's true face. It's his only face! He's a hustler, whether hustling Carlson for favour by showing up at a church auction he has no interest in, or trying to cut Les out of a deal to make big money from the painting. Herb fancies himself "a shrewd businessman" while admitting "when have you ever known any of my schemes to work out?"
What is more interesting is Bailey. Throughout the entire episode, she holds herself in higher moral standing to Herb because she acts as the only true lover of the art for the art's sake. But when Herb's price jumps up to $500, she is willing to sell. Herb even calls her out on this, saying "Deep down inside you're just a shrewd businessman like me." Bailey protests by saying she doesn't hold Herb's belief that everything has a price. But Bailey is the one who sold the painting! She proves Herb's point, AND demands the tax deductable receipt while doing so! The episode ends with Bailey gazing lovingly at the painting, but we've already seen that she has a price.
Les is also a lot more like Herb. He originally intended to go to the auction with Herb for the same reason - to curry favour with the Big Guy. And he might get guilted into visiting his mother and paying Herb $50. But in the end, he uses Herb's own cheque to suck up to Carlson, all while smirking at his "best friend."
I brought up Kampmann because this is a very "writterly" episode, with call backs and repeated phrases used one on top of the other to building comedic effect. Whether any real people would ever speak like that is another matter.
Here are some of the phrases Herb uses over and over:
- planning on taking the family to Milwaukee/Oklahoma City
- were you there when... ?
- that's just a word people use...
- no lectures
It really only gains some traction when Bailey repeats these phrases back to him, especially the very well timed "so's your mother." By repeating Herb back, it shows us that she has been learning from him this whole time. Again, she is more of the "shrewd businessman" than she would want to admit to herself.
There is one scene that seems like it may have been written by somebody else, because it doesn't follow along with the clockwork symmetry of the main story and that's the scene in Andy's office in which Bailey shows off the painting. Can we all admit here that this is a terrible painting? Maybe not terrible, but stodgy and old-fashioned and certainly not the sort of item a young, college educated woman would literally swoon over. It looks like it could be hanging in a hotel hallway.
Andy likes the frame. Maybe he could use it to frame his bumper sticker collection. Venus exaggerates his poses before proclaiming it "nice." Johnny's rants on how he doesn't like it. But the boys all come to Bailey's defense when Herb threatens to take back the painting. I've always loved the line "How about the four of us pounding you to dust?" No one backs down from the threat - there is solidarity. Someday I'll work it into a conversation.
By the conclusion. Herb was right and his scheme doesn't work, but he's only out the amount he spent on the painting anyhow and Bailey get the painting she desperately wanted. It's a "Midsummer Night in Cincinnati."
Roy
Other Notes: Steven Kampmann might be best known for the two season he played the character of Kirk Devane on "Newhart."
